I feel like I should do something constructive today.  Sort out my bedroom, wash some dishes and glasses, tidy my living room…. But no: I’m going to go back to bed and watch even more ‘MONK.’  I am steadily coming to love that show!  I’ve even made my boyfriend love it too…!

I might have a go at installing wordpress and inserting some content on my domain later on…  That will be fun… but for now: back to bed!

A nice short post….

Love Carly xxx

I had to literally DRAG myself out of bed this morning, and into the shower.  I had to literally DRAG my boyfriend out of bed, and I forced him to walk to campus with me.  I walked up my street, through the Army barracks (yes, I live in England, not Iraq! The public footpath runs between two Army buildings.) and across the fields, and I recieved a phonecall.  Now, I knew before I answered the phone that it would be my Mother.  She was telling me all about my Dad being ill, and him having operations and being in hospital.  Now, I am reasonably clever, and I could tell that the whole time she was hinting that I need to go home, go and see my Dad, and that we all sit down and have a ‘proper chat.’  The problem is, I am nearing the end of my third year of University, I have two 6,000 essays due in on the 22nd April, and my dissertation in on the 2nd June.  I am starting all of the preperation work for those now.  I don’t mean to sound horrible, but I can’t afford the time or the money to go home.

My parents perfectly understand this all, mind – they’re not exactly pressuring me into going home, but I feel obligated to be at home, just for personal reasons.   I am feeling really shitty at the moment, I’ve bottled stuff up a bit too much.  Whilst Paul knows my Dad is ill, it’s not like we have massive conversations about it, I usually brush him off – and my housemates don’t really know much about the situation at all.  I wanted to tell a couple of them all of tonight, but I’ve either been lying on the sofa, staring at the T.V and being upset, or being made laugh by their daft antics.  I feel like I need a bit of support – but don’t really know where to start with them, or who to even ask.

I’ve not really had the best experience over the last 3 years, I think University has been a curse.  A week before my A Level Results were due, my Grandad died, very unexpectadly at the age of 64 – then the funeral was the day after my results came out, and I found that I had got into my first choice University.  The second or third day at University, I’m still settling in, and I find out my Grandma (my Grandad’s ex-wife) had also passed away, though I knew this was going to happen sooner or later.  In my second year, my Nanna is really ill, then she passes away, I also was expecting this, but it doesn’t mean that it still wasn’t upsetting.  Then my cat, Smudge dies – I know it sounds silly but after school, and in holidays I used to look forward to going home, and cuddling her upto my face, and hearing her purr. Now, in my third and final year, I found out at the beggining of this term that my Dad is very ill, and I’ve spent the last 9 weeks wondering what is going to happen, as he’s been in and out of hospital.  So pretty crappy really.
Oh, I mustn’t forget to add the break-up with a boyfriend of 2-and-a-half years, the other boyfriend that nearly died and had to spend time in intensive care, and my current boyfriend who drives me crazy.  Though, when all things are put into perspective – he’s not as bad as I ever make him out to be.

So yeah, I think University has been one big curse for me.  I’ve lost more friends than I’ve made, and even though I live with 6 other people, sometimes I realise that I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

I don’t want sympathy or pity, I just felt like documenting all of that today.  A lot of the time I want to write stuff like this out for all of my housemates, maybe they would see why sometimes all I want to do is sit around and not have to think, or move.

On the whole, I do have a good deal of ‘down’ moments, but I consider myself to be a moderatly happy person.  I have a boyfriend I adore, and the people around me make me laugh.  I’m beating the system next year by not getting a graduate job: I’m going to do what I want to do for a while.  Perhaps work my way up in a bar career? Perhaps get taken on as a trainee for a big web-design company?  Who can say, all I know is that I’ve learnt that life is FAR too short to not experience the things that you want to.  At 20 I feel I am too young to go into teaching, and too young to know if I even want to teach at all!

Hey, don’t worry – I’m not going off to top myself – i’m just glad I can vent somewhere.  I was hoping all this would make me cry, but I just feel quite numb at the moment.  I think I’ll go off to bed now, night guys. xxx

Not only did I go to work, but I had to walk in the damn snow, so I had to go to work, with wet feet.

Here is a pic for your viewing pleasure:

It’s my name written in the snow!

I took this on the way to work, I tried to take a few. In the end I ended up being about 10 minutes late, but I had sopping wet feet so I didn’t care.

If anyone who reads this is an undergradute student at university, and thinks that in about a weeks time they would be able to fill in a tiny short questionnaire for me – that would be fantastic. I’m doing a dissertation concerning Stress and Gender Differences Amoungst Undergraduate Students at University. I want to find out the differences between boys and girls when it comes to what makes them stressed, and how stressed they are around this exam period. I’ve done some reading and I am almost ready to compile the questionnaire. (Aside from the fact that I should have been at this stage about 4 weeks ago, hey hum.)

A lot of people don’t know this, but my Dad is really ill at the moment, & he was taken into hospital this morning, but he’s out again now. His lungs keep filling with fluid, and they didn’t put a drain on him today, as he has an appointment with a person, (a lungologist we’ll call them) an appointment with a lungologist on Tuesday anyway. My Mum says I have to come home for a ’serious talk’ soon. I’m scared. I suppose a weekend back home won’t be too bad, I can see my parents, and get lots of people from my old school to fill in my questionnaire

How is it that no mattet how much I actually want to get on with my work, I JUST CAN’T!

I figuered that I would write one quick blog entry, then get back to the books, but NO – now I want a cup of tea, to put some washing, to check sway forum & to see if anyone has updated their blogs. Grrr…

On a plus note, I made a bloody awesome playlist last night, only problem is I have got the killers and razorlight on it, and hearing a couple of the songs by them REALLY make me want to go out and dance at one of the indie nights in town….I mean – I would be out tonight but I’ve no money til next week now…

My friend has given me a ticket to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers, at Pride Park in Derby in July.  How awesome is that, I mean it’s the day after my Dad’s birthday, so I’ll be home anyway!  Plus it’s free as her mum bought her two tickets for her 21st birthday!

Anyway, I’m going back to studying now.  I think I am going to get into a routine soon, something like from 11am – 8pm studying, then 8pm – 1am on the internet.  I don’t think I’ll stick to it though – I’m a rubbish human being with no self-control.

Laters dudes, Carly xxxx

No, it’s true. I’ve nothing good to say.

Watch out, as later on I am going to add a very useful page to this bloggg……ooooh!

Designed a layout for Jessily, of Jessily.net for her site ‘Mystical Delusions.’

Here’s a pic:

Do you like it?

That’s really it for today, post wise, check back tonight for my really useful page, if you want to know the creme de la creme of scripts, tutorials etc.

Carlio

Today I am in a lecture, crapping myself as I have to give a presentation at the end.

It’s all quiet and everyone is collecting handouts.

The boy next to me eats a bite of his sandwitch… I think (I want a sandwitch, All I’ve had to eat today was a bowl of oat-so-simple, and those sausages…)

Immediatly, I stand up, in the middle of the lecture and shout at the top of my voice, all frantically:

“SHIT, I DIDN’T EAT MY SAUSAGES, I’VE LEFT THEM IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!”

everyone looks at me like I’m mad… So I say (in my defense) “I was cooking them really slowly as they were frozen, on a low heat, but I put them in before neighbours – so it was like 4 hours ago!!! My house might of burnt down….”

Everyone is staring at me, so I say to my lecturer – “shit, I might have to go home if there’s nobody in – excuse me for one minute I need to make a phonecall.”

I phone my next-door neighbour, who thankfully is in, has a key and who turns the oven off for me, sausges burnt to a crisp and black as the ace of spades.

I get back to the lecture and explain that everything is ok now, and that if it wasn’t for the boys sandwitch I would never have remembered….!

BUT! Then just before my presentation, the boy next to me writes on a piece of paper:

“Beijing Conference………..Boring.
Simon Sweeny………………Really Boring.
Presentations………………..Really Really Boring.
SHIT, I’VE LEFT MY SAUSAGES IN THE OVEN…….PRICELESS!”

I couldn’t stop laughing so much, I had to put the book in front of my face and pretend I was reading the sections through the presentation…..Oh dear….

Then I thought to myself….

“did I really say shit in the lecture hall, in front of 20ish people, in front of my university lecturer?”

Oh god….

I was rather dragged into town today to watch the final of the carling cup… (for girls, who like me, have no interest in sport that is something to do with football, anyway.) Manchester United won, so at least the boyfriend is happy, as he is a Man U supporter. Myself? I don’t really give a shit.

So, I ended up drinking 2 pints, then drinking 5 cocktails in the bar my boyfriend works in. I’m at home, and onto the cans now, and have ended up moderatly drunk. Whilst trying to maintain that I am sober I have ended up entertaining my housemates by falling over and talking crap!

Also, I’m a little pissed off tonight, as I am really desperate for a supervisors job at work, I am already doing the work of a supervisor half the time, as there is often not one on during my shift. The course I may do next year involves a post graduate course in hospitality management, and I figure I’d need a course like this to own my own bar at some point. To ge t on the course, you need to have worked as a team leader or supervisor. So you can see why I want the job. Anyway, the boys at work are all sniggery, and like “well *** has the job anyway so I wouldn’t even bother.” Whilst the girls are telling me to go for it!?!?!!!! Whaaat?!
In better news, Looks like I may be payed some $$$ for designing a website for a band that wants signing. I may be doing some designing for others too. Yay! I am happy to build my portfolio. But I am unhappy that many people I speak to offline don’t think I might be good enough to design something suitable. I can use paint shop pro efficiantly, I can code in xhtml strict, use php and valid css, so why not?

I’m quite sad too, as the boy is away now for 6 days. I’m going to miss him soooooooooooooooooooo much.

Hello all… I’m posting here for you all to get to know me a little better. Hopefully one day, I’ll have as many people read my blog, as the amount of blogs I read. It’s time I get out of the shadows and start opening up for your delight.

Currently, I’m undertaking some work for a nice lad called Thomas, I met him on Sway Forum, I’ve been designing him a website. I’m pretty happy with it so far, but I am open to ideas about bits and bobs that will need changing. Please leave me your opinion. The layout is here at the moment: http://twisted-solutions.co.uk/Thomas.

I’m going to register my brother a .co.uk website soon and host it for him. He also wants me to design it. I’m pretty brave as I think he always hates my designs… He’s in love with the other design I made for Thomas though. (http://twisted-solutions.co.uk/thomas) I’m going to edit it for him, and add in some pictures.

I think i’ll add wordpress on for him too. I think he’d like that.

Anyway, it’s 3am and i’m off to bed. Goodnight, sweetdreams.